rbn
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are foot prints on the moon.
Sad existence
Such a sad existence of lovers parted.
Distance between the bodies, but not in heart.
Yearning like I've never felt before,
an aching I thought I'd never know.
A thought that just won't cease to spin,
a pain that never dulls.
Moments missed, regrets to remain.
An end that seems unreachable, untouchable.
Hanging on every word, dreaming of a touch,
praying for it to numb.
This is such a sad existence.
No clue where that came from, hah. I was just gonna blog about something my best friend Lisa had said while we were talking about long distance and that just sorta popped out.
I saw Gary for almost a week because I had swine flu and he stayed with me almost the entire time. It was so wonderful to spend time with him, even if I was in a haze of sickness. That is the third time I've gone home, seen him, and left. And every single time it hurts a little bit more. I didn't think it would. I thought it would be easy by now. It's only gotten worse. I've missed him this whole time, of course. But for some reason, ever since I got back this time, the hole in my stomach won't go away. I feel like any second now I could burst into tears for no apparent reason and shock the crap outta all my new found friends, haha! On a whim of pain I texted Lisa last night. She's been doing long distance for nearly 3 years now. I said, "Do you ever miss Justin so much that you feel like there's a hole in your stomach that won't go away and even though you're laughing and talking to people you feel like any moment you could burst into tears and for some reason the feeling is so strong you can't even find the words to tell him how much you miss him?" Then this morning she replied with a simple, "yes 
." We chatted a bit further then she said something that just hit me as a "sad existence." She said, "I'm just numb to it now." And what's worse is I wish I had that numbness. Sometimes I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. But there's not much I can do about it.
." We chatted a bit further then she said something that just hit me as a "sad existence." She said, "I'm just numb to it now." And what's worse is I wish I had that numbness. Sometimes I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. But there's not much I can do about it. And yet...I wouldn't trade this "sad existence" for anything. I would much rather have the pain of not being with him at this moment...than feel the pain of not being with him at all. And in a way it's not sad...I'm deeply in love with him and I'm fighting for this love. I know it may not seem like a big deal to most people...but it means alot to me. I love him and I'm gonna keep on existing.
No Happy hellos :)s - Say Hello :)
Hello Swine Flu
I got to come home for fall break and guess what??
I have swine flu.
Great, eh??
So i'm stuck sitting on the couch and watching my entire movie collection and emailing my professors telling them to send me homework for i won't be at school for a while. Greeeeeeat.
I hope yall are having a wonderful October!!
No Happy hellos :)s - Say Hello :)
Imagination
Whatever happened to imagination? Anyone know where it went? I know we all had it at one point. Back in the day....back in the days of princesses and pirates and inky binky bonkey. Where conflict was resolved with just a smidge of imagination. Where every new small invention was a glorious one because of the dreams they came from. I've often wondered what a world we would live in if our officials had the imagination they've lost along the way. There would be no adults seeing the end of their nose and no where else. There would be no blood shed because they'd realize that there are so much more cooler ways to "battle it out." There would be no limitations just because of race, gender, religion or class. If you can imagine it-- you can do it. You can soar. Has anyone seen the movie "Hook" with Robin Williams in it?? Around the middle of the movie the point is made that Robin William's character, a grown up Peter Pan, can not eat unless he has imagination. He is an adult and is watching all these children eat these invisible things with the most wonderful looks on their faces. It is only when he accepts this childish innocence and let imagination back into his mind and heart that he can see the wonderful feast laid out before him. What a wonderful world it would be if thats how it really was. That all the homeless had to do was imagine something filling and healthy. But what if some problems can even be solved this way? By a little bit of imagination? Just thinking outside of the box. What if our care givers and politicians just accepted the childish innocence they once had....and took our country from there. If they imagined better solutions for the abortion debate, for the energy crisis, for the war, for the homeless...what if all the answers are within our grasp....and all we need is a little imagination?
This is my speech for my communications class tomorrow. Is it okay?
Fall is in the air
Mmm. Fall is in the air. Fall is my absolute favorite.
It's the season for warm colors, clothing and feelings. I love to just sit back and watch the transformation that fall brings. Right now, the monarch butterflies are bustling around my campus. I have never seen so many butterflies in my entire life. It's such a beautiful thing to behold. The other day, when I was most upset, I stumbled upon this little garden tucked into the back corner of my campus. This garden is surrounded by big, tall and sturdy trees. It has stone benches placed here and there in sort of a circle form. There is a path made up of dark orange/tanish dirt and rocks. The plants are these green things with long leaves and purple clusters of flowers. I wish i could tell you the proper name for this but I am not a botanist 
. It was in this place that I sat upon one of those benches, talking to my best friend. I was in tears and was not looking at the beauty around me. It was after I had dried my tears and I looked up that I realized where I had absent mindedly walked to. Flying all around me and perching on branches were the most magnificent butterflies. They clustered together on clear branches and glided every so gracefully about this place. I then noticed that small bees were buzzing and busy, landing on the purple cluster of flowers. I am not afraid of bees but common sense says to be wary. But I didn't move and just sat there watching these bees buzz right past me and around me, just go'n about their business. It was a beautiful thing to behold. It definitely lifted my spirits. Not to mention that if you look carefully...you can see the leaves beginning to turn the most wonderful colors of candy apple red, pumpkin orange and sun shine yellow. My favorite colors 
. Well...not counting dark purple.
. It was in this place that I sat upon one of those benches, talking to my best friend. I was in tears and was not looking at the beauty around me. It was after I had dried my tears and I looked up that I realized where I had absent mindedly walked to. Flying all around me and perching on branches were the most magnificent butterflies. They clustered together on clear branches and glided every so gracefully about this place. I then noticed that small bees were buzzing and busy, landing on the purple cluster of flowers. I am not afraid of bees but common sense says to be wary. But I didn't move and just sat there watching these bees buzz right past me and around me, just go'n about their business. It was a beautiful thing to behold. It definitely lifted my spirits. Not to mention that if you look carefully...you can see the leaves beginning to turn the most wonderful colors of candy apple red, pumpkin orange and sun shine yellow. My favorite colors . Well...not counting dark purple. This is truly my favorite time of year.
I went back to this spot with a friend yesterday. She is from Egypt and has no experience with "bugs" so they make her nervous. All sorts of bugs. My campus also happens to be the home to a very large population of crickets. She is deathly afraid of them and butterflies make her nervous. We went to this place and it being my favorite time of day (evening, when everything gets a warm glow) the butterflies were even more in numbers. They were everywhere! I was in utter joy, standing as high as I could, taking it all in and wondering what it would be like to soar with the butterflies. She stood firmly on the ground and watched cautiously as butterflies glided above her head, all she could see were these flying things with gross legs hanging below them and that at any moment they could land on her. I continued to become more and more joyful as I reached out towards them and marveling at these little things. Later she then commented that she needs to hang out with me more, that she wants to see the beauty that I find in everything. I asked her why she thinks I find beauty in everything and she said, "I can see it on your face when you walk around and when you talk to people. I want to see the beauty that you share." Needless to say that made my day and woke me up. I have been incredibly stressed lately about a bundle of things and her saying that made me realize that I need to continue to always find a reason to smile...that someone is watching me and hopefully I can benefit them and make their day brighter. It also helps me, being in a good frame of mind makes everything better. Not to mention soaring with the butterflies.
Today's findings
So apparently my dorm hall is infested with beetle thingys that crawl into peoples ears at night and bust their ear drums. Really!? Really!? I so did not need this as a college experience. My friend's roommate woke up crying saying they were in her ears and I just thought she was being a girly girl and scared of bugs but no..they bust your ear drums and make you hate you life.
WTF.
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